The Gift

In this tiny corner of my world, where all is calm, and the night comes on blacker than black, I get this grip in my gut and fear rushes in. 

I have something big to do next week and I’m getting a new hip for Christmas. Now I’m being a big baby about them sawing bone and sticking metal in me cause I know it hurts, I have a 32 staple scar twice in my knee to prove it.

And I’ve questioned my faith and fear and I think “I must be something special, for God to be in a battle for me”! Satan’s been trying to get my attention, trying to fill me to the core with fear, but there is my God whistling at me and yelling “get over here”! So I go for the path, the one I fell off of for a brief second. This path is leading me to a journey where He is at, this path this road leads to Him. Paved in golden, majestic blocks intertwined with white Magic, the whiteness that brought me here in the first place, when He washed me whiter than snow. 

So why does this fear slither in like freshly made Christmas fudge that falls to the floor, and in its warmness it slithers and tries to hide under the table, the table where I prayed a thousand prayers to Him up above? 

Because this thing this big thing, this game changer, life breather of a surgery is huge! Like when Christ was put on the cross and said “Forgive them father for they know not what they do” big! This gift of being reborn again, made anew is huge, and here I sit all weepy wondering how can this be? When you have a God this big, with giant hands wrapped around you oh so tight, how could this life breather not be big?

So, over the river and through the woods I’ll go, and I’ll pray a thousand angels into that game changing operating room! I’ll pray for God to lay down beside me when they roll me in and I bid farewell to a bone in my side , a bone that has given me more pain than twenty kids heartache given to their parents as they grow older and walk out the door! I’ll pray for relief, and a miracle. No I’ll pronounce a miracle for God has plans, plans for me to prosper, and His plan won’t bring me harm. So as I lay in the darkness of my room, and my cat purrs the lowest purr of her life, I am assured this purr is God singing and saying everything will be alright. My fear, I pack up like old baggage in one of the many suitcases of my life, and I give it to Him, for I shall have no other Gods before Him for He is the King of all Kings, He is my Lord of all Lords. 

And next Monday I arrive at my destination, the path that leads me on the healing journey of my life.

Sandie Heckman


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