Why I Dislike Dentists


I’m getting ready to have a hip replacement. I’ve passed all the tests except one, I have to have a clean bill of health from my dentist. But, here’s the thing, when I was little, my baby teeth would not fall out! I had roots longer than a carrots nose on a snowman! My first baby tooth was a clear indication, an announcement so to speak, that I clearly was to have problems with my teeth for years to come! 
In the summer of my fifth year, I had a brand new tooth growing in back of my baby tooth. Now this baby tooth was not budging. It was stuck in my mouth like a horse caught in quick sand. Thirty grown men couldn’t pull that horse lose! Two grown men couldn’t budge this tiny baby tooth! There I was 5 years old, sitting in a chair in the center of my room, with a string tied to my tooth, and at the other end was my dad and Uncle Homer, tying the string to my bedroom door knob! 

So there we are, two grown men and one tiny me, and they are slamming the door and my head is going forward , and they don’t get that my tooth isn’t going to fall out! 

This did not hurt, I swear!

 I’m laughing as the door slams because my tooth won’t fall out, and my dad looks ridiculous! I start crying because I want my lucky quarter from the tooth fairy, and it doesn’t look like this will happen anytime soon.
 The next day my dad takes me to the dentist, for my first official “confrontation with an oral surgeon”. Now this will be one of many dental visits I will endure, because all 20 of my baby teeth will eventually have to be assisted in leaving my mouth. 
I’m When I see the dentist I start crying, because he has pliers the size of hedge clippers coming at me! This dentist calls me “Irish” because I’m stingy and won’t give up my tooth! True story! This is the 60’s and dentists have come a long way since then, thank you very much for modern dental schools! The dentist pulls my tooth, which has a root bigger than a Bobby pin (not really), and after he’s done, I get the coolest thingamajig out of the prize box! 
The dentist tells my dad to never tie a string around any of my teeth again, because frankly, none of my teeth will ever fall out. I have crooked teeth with roots that won’t dissolve.
So fast forward another twenty primary teeth later, and now I need braces. My mom won’t go with me because she’ll pass out from watching the brace installation ordeal! So, I have to go with my dad, you know the one who probably invented the worlds largest ball of string! We get to the orthodontist and I’m told I need six primary teeth pulled, plus impacted wisdom teeth for braces. “Dude! Do you know what I had to go through to get these permanent teeth”? Thus, I don’t like dentists, because I’ve met too many scary, bad dentists in my day!
 I’ve just had a series of events (knee replacement and knee revision surgery) that have hindered me from taking care of a few cavities. I found out last week I need a hip replacement, and I have to get a clean dental record for surgery! I have to have cavities filled to get a new hip? It’s not like I’m gonna bite anyone in the arse! End of story! Yes I can be a tad dramatic, but this story is totally true, and happened to me. 
I still don’t like dentists, but that’s okay, that’s why Valium was invented! True story, I kid you not! So, tomorrow I start my dental ordeal. Check ups, cleanings and cavities filled. I hope this new dentist is good, because frankly, I’m tired of disliking dentists, and I’m sure there are a few good ones out there! 

Sandie Heckman


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